a mess of thought

by mike bliss

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02:47

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released July 29, 2016

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mike bliss Lake Zurich, Illinois

emotion and melody

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Track Name: i'm not picturing things anymore
i'm doing bad again
seeing myself in deep hole
light dimmer than the last time
will this be the last time?

i could take some pills
i could grab a rope
pretend i forgot how to swim
there's so much life left
why do i feel less?
why do i feel at all?

calm me down, tell me i'm loved
make me feel less alone
deep into this deadly cycle

"michael, it'll be alright, just get through the night"
well, what if i want to die now?
i've lived a good life

i love my family
i've lived a good life
i can't take care of me
it's so hard to say goodbye

when will the empty fill up?
permanent sleep
i've never felt like enough
will you miss me?

it's so hard to say goodbye
Track Name: a sweet decay
arms length, i see you in front of me
but i can't speak because i'm nervous

do i take a risk, should i play it safe?
if i mess it up, will things stay the same?

more questions to go unanswered

don't want to fall apart
am i in your head yet?
or am i just another star that didn't shine bright enough?

barely conscious, i'm constantly overthinking all my ways
do you ever feel like you're a burden to everyone's space

don't want to slow you down
i'm so sorry if i'm in the way
if i don't make you happy, why should i stay?

don't want to fall apart
am i in your head yet?
or am i just another star that didn't shine bright enough?

where do you want to go, what do you want to know?
am i in your head yet?
just another star that didn't shine bright enough

barely conscious, i'm constantly overthinking all my ways
do you ever feel like you're a burden to everyone's space?

don't want to slow you down
i don't know what hurts more so i'll just keep counting my scars
i'm so sorry if i'm in the way
if i tell you i'm okay, i'm probably lying

if i don't make you happy, i'm starting to believe that i simply do not belong here
why should i stay, i'm really not sure

don't want to fall apart
don't want to slow you down
just another star that didn't shine bright enough
Track Name: breathe & forget
are you staring at your reflection?
are you happy with what you see?
would you rather bury what you've become?

flicker, flicker, fade
no longer see your face anymore
and i think i'll keep it that way

i'm not 100 percent but i guess it's as good as i'll get, yeah
you don't deserve my best anyway

'cause all you wanna do is play around
and you're not here when i am down

how could you go about your day
not feeling ashamed of how you treat me?
it's almost as if you would delete me
so don't pretend that you need me

breathe and forget
i'm not owned by anyone
breathe and forget

empty words and missing actions
why should i lack a reaction
when you're trying to trick me with your intentions?
master manipulator, i'll see you later

you don't deserve my attention
your name's not even worth a mention

'cause all you wanna do is play around
and you're not here when i am down

how could you go about your day
not feeling ashamed of how you treat me?
it's almost as if you would delete me

you don't complete me
so don't pretend that you need me

i'm not owned by anyone
breathe and forget
Track Name: please don't be another distraction
i'm looking for that ray of sun
would you shine it on me?
i'm growing up, i'm growing old
don't you remember when we didn't have to worry about anything?

so why do you make it so easy for me to forget
anything that makes me upset
when i'm with you

when i'm with you, the breath i breathe isn't for nothing
don't want this to be wasted breath

do you think about me?
'cause i think about you
pretty eyes, your stare tears a hole in me
you make me believe

that i'm worth something
i just wish that we could meet
eye to eye all the time

so why do you make it so easy for me to forget
anything that makes me upset
when i'm with you

when i'm with you, the breath i breathe isn't for nothing
don't want this to be wasted breath

don't want this to be wasted breath
i hope i don't make you upset
you always help me to forget

i hope i don't make you upset
Track Name: hey, nothing
so how does it feel to use me?
at least the strangers like me
i don't think anyone's afraid to lose me
i don't think anyone's afraid to hurt me

so how does it feel to use me?

don't talk to me for weeks but all of the sudden you call me
i'm thinking that maybe you wanna catch up
but you just want a ride to your friend's house
and then you never say "thank you" out loud

i know that you're talking shit behind my back
i guess that's just what i get for always having your back
we're just missing a laugh track in the background
for every time that we interact
i'll assume that you make fun of the things that i lack

so how does it feel to use me?
at least the strangers like me
i don't think anyone's afraid to lose me
i don't think anyone's afraid to hurt me

so how does it feel to use me?

gone my whole life getting walked all over
no respect for me, absolutely no sympathy

so how does it feel to use me
at least the strangers like me
i don't think anyone's afraid to lose me
i don't think anyone's afraid to hurt me

so how does it feel to use me?

gone my whole life getting walked all over
no respect for me, absolutely no sympathy
Track Name: you made me feel like i meant something
defeated, life's become too much
emotions you can't feel
nothing you can touch

and constantly you worry
when is it okay for me to talk
why even bother

if i'm annoying them
who will even listen to me

speak, it'll be okay
just take a breath
keep fighting 'til the end
don't let your demons win

grab my hand, we'll dance in the rain
Track Name: can't feel for you
empathy is not a blessing
it's not a gift
and it's always messing with me

i forget that i have feelings
i forget that i have meaning

why are you sad?
why do i care?
why can't i turn away?
why do i stare?

like i can fix it
like i'm a doctor with a cure

when i'm still sicker than you are
Track Name: a mess of thought
21 and i'm losing touch
with everyone and everything
it's hard to tell who is with me or who's against me
can you show me what side you're on

take your pick

'cause i'm done trying to please everyone
sick of thinking that i'm simply not good enough
do you think of all the pain you've caused
you leave me tangled in a mess of thought

take away, take away what i don't need
there's people in places that i don't need to see
they'd rather leave me bleeding
i don't get it, they'd rather leave me bleeding

so i'll go on my own

i don't get it, so i'll go on my own

a terrible, tiring waste of time
waiting for minutes to pass
why would i think that you'd call back
i'm just a fallback

you live and you learn but you're never concerned
with the feelings of other people
you don't reciprocate respect

you'd rather neglect your own faults
your mistakes
try to take a look into the mirror
good luck to you and don't forget me

take away, take away what i don't need
there's people in places that i don't need to see
they'd rather leave me bleeding
i don't get it, they'd rather leave me bleeding

so i'll go on my own

'cause i'm done trying to please everyone
sick of thinking that i'm simply not good enough
do you think of all the pain you've caused
you leave me tangled in a mess of thought

'cause i'm done trying to please everyone
proud of myself for making it to 21
Track Name: four hours
there are just some days that i wish were endless
the stroll on the sidewalk
the way that the ice cream dripped

the way you talked and how it made me feel important
having someone to listen
leaving and already missing them

alone in my car again

and as i drove home
i had wondered if you'd thought like this
the better days, they come and go way too fast

there are just some days that i wish were endless
and i'm just afraid that you will forget this

i don't know why i have to overthink
i'm so sick of my shitty self-esteem
i just want someone to like me
but it always seems to be a one-way street

what is it like to be treated with love?
i just want to feel like i'm loved

there are just some days that i wish were endless
and i'm just afraid that you will forget this